New here & Q?

Actually, I registered here about a year ago & lost the link =/

I haven't really been able to read through much here, but I manage a local Attachment Parenting info/support group website. My daughter is 3 years old now & recently started Nursery School at the public school within walking distance of our house {I'm posting here because I can be more anonymous!} I expected a transition stage, but last week 3 things really bothered me. I did not expect these things to come up based on the literature I read from the school & from the teacher....

1st I came early to pick my daughter up & saw that the teacher had all the kids gathered in a circle in front of her while she "discussed" their behaviors that morning ~ it seemed to be going OK until the teacher pointed to a couple kids in particular & said "YOU were a bad boy & YOU were very bad" @@ !!!!! When she was done I came in & asked her what was going on; she just said that there was an "incident" in the cafeteria. I didn't get the opportunity to find out any more than that, though, because I was already late for my appointment.

The 2nd thing that bothered me was when I walked in to see my kid crying between 2 other girls. I walked over & gently asked my kiddo to use her words to tell me why she seemed so sad. The teacher jumped on over, saying "Oh it's nothing, they were just fighting over the little horse, but I took it away so they're fine now." I felt like snapping back that I was not talking to HER, but instead I redirected my attention to my kid by paraphrasing what the teacher had said: "Your friends wanted the same toy as you so the teacher put it in time-out?" {which is what we call it when toys can't be played with for that reason & only toys go in time-out}. The teacher became oddly defensive: "NO, nooooo, they didn't go in time-out!" I just smiled & said I was talking about the horse. She blushed & walked away. I believe that simply taking the horse away does absolutely nothing to help the kids SOLVE the problem & PREVENT it from happening again; I believe the teacher should have had them share their feelings & think of a solution together before removing the toy.

The 3rd happened when my daughter was playing with her dolls at home ~ usually she just dances with them & pretends to nurse them, but this time she was sorting them out as "bad" or "good" & the good ones got to drink some tea while the bad ones had to sit in time-out ... in the corner with blankets over their heads. I can't think of anywhere she might have seen such a thing other than school {we don't even have TV & the ony babysitters are are the 2 twin girls across the street who play with her while I study}.

My intuition says this is all very suspicious. I definitely plan on having an in depth discussion with the teacher, but I want to feel as prepared as I possibly can be! I'm going to ask more about how she handle discipline in general & also within the context fo these specific events. I know for a fact that she calls some of the kids "bad" so if she lies about that then obviously I will have no trust in her, but I'm wondering if anyone else here has any other types of questions that I haven't thought to ask....


nursery school

Does your daughter want to go to the nursery school? If not, withdraw her immediately! I think 3 is very young for a child to want to be away from parents for an extended period every day, to be honest.

Is there a playgroup you could go to together? Or a sitter who could come and play with her wherever you have to be?

She's learning some horrible things from this teacher about conflict resolution and labelling people...

Oh Dear!

I would NOT have been at all pleased with that!!

I just wanted to offer my support, as I don't have any real suggestions...I fear my only suggestion would probably not be productive, and would look more like violence against the teacher than anything else...

That is so upsetting and you have every reason to feel the way you do.. Good luck to you

Wow, it sounds like a situati

Wow, it sounds like a situation where the "teacher" has some pretty extreme and developmentally inappropriate views on behavior.

For one thing, its absolutely useless to punish or scold young children after the fact (even assuming that kind of behavior is benefical at all). Then there's the whole "bad" vs "good" thing. Again, even if you assume those terms are in any way appropriate, they are not productive when applied to people - only to specific behaviors. Otherwise they only lower self-esteem and set up a pattern where a child will continue to "be bad" - I know I fell into that kind of pattern in certain situations as a kid, and I've seen others have the same issues, taking "bad kid" as an identity.

If you don't have the option of doing youur own childcare, I suggest looking for a new daycare right now - it may take a while to get into one, so in the meantime you can try talking to the teacher. But don't be afraid to make some "unreasonable" demands of your own (like, don't use the word bad, no punishment at all for my kid).

She likes it there....

I did end up taking her out ~ the teacher was giving unacceptable excuses when I confronted her.

Our secure attachment both physically & emotionally has provided my daughter with a strong sense of self & confidence even when I'm not there ... but not enough that I trusted our bond to provide the kind of resiliency necessary to handle the influence of that teacher in my absence!

I changed my work schedule so we'll be starting a playful home pre-school next week ;) We're also signed up for kids community classes for socialization ... although, since I am a single mom working fulltime & in college myself {with more than a few years left there} we will be using Public School eventually.

I also spoke to the principal & he seemed upset about the Nursery School teacher's discipline methods. I spoke to the Preschool & Kindergarten teachers as well & their conflict resolution tactics are much more in line with my beliefs! Thank goodness because I don't think I could manage homeschooling indefinitely {LOL} Not with all the other responsibilities I have at the same time =)



To everyone for responding as well =)


now _there's_ a happy ending :-)

I'd say hold your horses with primary school too. There's an awful lot of time spent trying to get energetic small people to sit still in those places... once you get creative, there are all sorts of better solutions.

I'm just reading John Holt's "Teach Your Own", and I'm jumping on my soapbox at any opportunity!

Whatever you want to call it...

Bad and good are horrible names to refer to a childs behaviour. Bad shames a child. Good makes them submissive. Best to be known as nice. Don't fear home ed. We can't stop our children from learning...they will and at their own pace, and be happier for the experience because they are learning in the comfort of their own home, where they pick up the values of their parents instead of their peers and teachers, etc. My son also had a bad experience on a two hour trial at a nursery to which his Dr who diagnosed him with Tourettes was amazed he still remembered it at age 10. He calls me a workaholic...and I do work quite hard at is not for everyone and questionable today as to whether or not it's good for anyone. Release fear and do what's best for your child. I know this is easier said than done...but try eh? *smile* Finally, "The honour of one is the honour of all and the shame of one is the shame of all." (Native American Quote-author unknown). Best wishes to you and i know i will keep your daughter in my thoughts.