“We Love TCS!”

TCS gets a lot of flak, and this can sometimes be a little disheartening for TCS people. Someone wrote recently:

The TCS ideas are so much a part of my life, of our lives here, that I don't spend a lot of time thinking consciously about them anymore. We just live them.

Many of us can relate to that. We are too busy living TCS to think about stating the obvious that TCS has made a huge positive difference in our lives. But a number of TCS people are now calling for a “We Love TCS!” or “TCS has changed my life for the better!” forum on which TCS people can express their appreciation for TCS. Hey, we're human: we like to know that TCS has helped! So here on this page, you are very welcome to post (non-privacy-violating) appreciation for TCS. How has TCS improved your life? Both long and short, signed and unsigned comments are welcome.

You DON'T love TCS?! Fear not: if you want to post any “We hate TCS” comments, you can do so here. ;-)

Comments

TCS isn't just good for your own family

This is also posted on: http://www.tcsblog.blogspot.com/

TCS doesn't just change the way people interact with their own children. It also changes the way they interact with pretty much everyone else in the world, since the possibility of taking them seriously is *out there*.

TCS is a way into autonomy respecting interactions. You don't have to have children to be thoroughly immersed in TCS.

Not everyone deserves to be taken seriously, BTW.

Imagine a world where most professional child carers are trying to TOPCS (Take Other People's Children Seriously). Or where university lecturers try to TSS (Take Students Seriously) etc etc

Emma

What has TCS done for me? It ...

What has TCS done for me? It has given me the tools for a better life; it made me take a long hard look at myself and my life and make some B I G changes that have positively impacted my life. Seeing life thru TCS eyes makes a lot of things clear that weren't clear before. Best of all, my kids are growing up free of the schoolyard behavior you see in other kids, and they are good kids who care about others as well as themselves.

TCS has given me something worthwhile to strive for

I've read all kinds of parenting how-to manuals, trying to make sure I was doing the right thing for my kids. Some ideas certainly helped, but I always felt that there was something very wrong with the very premise of most of the stuff I was reading. I just couldn't put my finger on it. I found out about TCS via a parenting email list I was on. A poster asked advice for a particular problem and got a variety of suggestions on how to handle it. I can't remember the specific problem or the solutions, but I do remember that one particular solution seemed very creative and interesting. The list got their panties in a wad about how this poster, who seemed creative to me, had it all wrong and was advocating neglect of children. She explained herself over and over again, then got sick of it. She directed anyone with questions to the TCS list and said her part of the conversation was over. I was fascinated and "tried it". It "didn't work". So then I did the silly consequences thing again until I just couldn't stand it anymore. Then I actually met a TCS mom who helped me really change the way I looked at things. I'm certainly very fallible, but I have something to shoot for that feels true to the type of parent I want to be. And the list(s) help me keep clear about what I'm aiming for.

My TCS Testimonial (LOL!)

How has TCS affected this family? Here's how--

We heard about TCS when our kids were babies--we read a post on alt.parenting.solutions I think it was. It was like a breath of fresh air to me. I'd never met anyone who thinks like this before, and it made so much sense. I'd never liked the way other parents treat their babies and TCS gave us permission to treat our babies as human beings.

When they hit toddlerhood, everything started going wrong. My husband and I were under a lot of stress because of some financial problems, and we probably weren't the best TCS parents on the planet at that time. It was then that I was faced with the prospect of choosing TCS and losing all my friends, or keeping my friends. These friendships had been an important part of my life for many years and it was hard to give them up. The reason why this was an issue was because they are parents and have very rigid ideas about kids. They are not averse to hitting their kids and putting them in a time out without any dinner. They were so scathing about TCS.

That was a miserable time for our whole family. We made the mistake of listening to our friends' criticisms of TCS and turning away from TCS for a while. It was partly in desperation too, because the kids were (or this is how we saw it then) out of control. We agreed that TCS hadn't worked, and that we'd go with our instincts instead. We thought this would help!

What it actually did was take things from bad to the worst. When you're in that kind of situation, you think that just a little bit of coercion will make all the difference to your lives--and it does, but not in the way you expect. Instead of making life easier, it leads to a bad reaction from the kid, and that leads to you coercing a bit more...until pretty soon it's all-out war. That's what happened in our family anyway, and it wasn't better for anyone, least of all me. You feel like how could you do this, it's disgusting. After one occasion when my husband threatened one of the kids in a way I never want to see again, we both knew this had to stop. Our experiment with coercion was declared a spectacular failure--and believe me, we tried it for real--I'm not making this up.

Returning to TCS led to the loss of most of our friends because they could not accept our TCS ideas and we couldn't accept them mistreating their kids in front of us. So you could say TCS caused the loss of all our friends--but it would be more accurate to say that TCS has given us the best friendships of our lives.

Over the course of time, we've left the troubled times behind us and are now in a very blessed state, a state of peace and harmony. When I think how things could have turned out if I had not read alt.parenting.solutions that day, or discovered TCS some other way, I feel ill. Our kids are immeasurably better off for TCS--and so are we. I'm doing what makes me feel great now, where before TCS I didn't have clear goals in life.

Thanks to all involved

My family and I are most grateful to *everyone* who has contributed ideas on the TCS website and lists. The years I have spent learning about TCS and ARR ideas have had more of an effect on my life than my college years, that's for sure! To have people listen to my stutterings and offer ideas has been a precious gift, and continues to be. Some deep friendships have formed.

The improvement in relationships is wondrous- to be a parent to children who treat me like a human being! To stumblingly be learning how to talk to my partner and other dear friends about delicate (for me) subjects! To be learning how to take myself seriously! To learn how to face fears and disable them, at my own pace.

When I was in college, I realized that I did not know how to think, so I set out to correct that lack. When I came upon TCS ideas (through an unschooling mailing list) I realized that I did not know how to think rationally. Still learning about that, with TCS ideas and people as a springboard.

you all rock! heartfelt thanks!

Thanx

I'll chime in and add my thanx to you guys. It was a long hard uphill climb from where we were at 3+ yrs ago to where we're at now, but the view from the TCS top is breathtaking. I can see so much more than I could at the start. Then it looked too difficult -- like you'd have to be a few cards short of a full deck to attempt it -- but I pushed on regardless, determined to give it my best shot. It's like the air is clearer here and there's no smell of conflict anymore. My kids are immeasurably happier than they were before -- and so are we. It was a revelation to me to find out that in TCS you don't have to sacrifice your wants if you're the parents. It should be called Taking Everyone Seriously instead because I think alot of parents assume TCS means not taking yoursef serious, only your kids, and it doesn't.

Good luck with the new web site! Good job! Thanx again.

I am a Happier, More Moral Person

I'm a happier person, a better person, a more moral person (and more interested in morality),

and my relationships have improved tremendously – they're wonderful, really – because of TCS. Yea! And I want to add my thanks, too, everybody!

This is a great idea. I don't...

This is a great idea. I don't know is anybody else agrees w/ me but I've heard enough knocking of tcs, it's time to fight back!!!

TCS IS COOL! If you don't like it that's your prerogative but please let us who find it helpful for our families and our selves enjoy our tcs lives and get your own.

Tired of Anti-TCS Negativism

I'm actually really tired of all the negativism that sometimes is connected with TCS too, I've been writing about it for 4 years now and it very often feels like a struggle. In the beginning when it all was new to me I also felt that I had to defend my position and took things personally, a bit like some people on tcshangover seem to do, only they seem to have reacted by trying to blame the theory for having a hard time. The discussion around TCS has been really tiring at times, and much more difficult than actual life. Kind of :-) Other problems in life have weared me out but as I said, especially this last year would have been a disaster if I still had thought the way I used to!

I had a TCS honeymoon too :-) When I was so excited about it all, had one little baby(and helpful AP ideas),

time, support at home....Well, not going into that(and had almost everyone on the finnish lists getting angry with me because I presented it all in ways that doesn't seem fruitful :-) ) Isn't it sad that being upfront happy about something have some people feeling down? I've experienced it too, envy I suppose, other people's happiness has to be denied somehow:“that wouldn't work for me”, “not in our family” “TCS is partly ok but it's lousy founded so one shouldn't take it TOO seriously” and so on.

I actually think that the distinction Kolya makes about autonomy of action and purpose is good (but not as a distinction to justify coercion),

because I think that some people may take TCS as a non-coercion parenting method, actually emphasising on not coercing and helping the children get what they want NOW but not taking themselves seriously too. Not perhaps recognising problems when there are ones, which would mean no problemsolving either. If this is the case, I can imagine that there could be some problems related to this kind of treat.

Kristel

Unsolicited Comments

Here are some unsolicited comments we have received in the past:

“I woke up this morning and though I was tired I couldn't go back to sleep because my mind was reeling with TCS ideas and questions! It is such a relief to know I don't HAVE to make my child brush her teeth – I have ended up in tears over this issue! Thank you to all for the enlightening ideas – I am so happy to be on this List!”

“TCS keeps me thinking and helps my kids (and me) be less coerced.”

“I just wanted to first of all thank all of you who contribute to this list. It is very informative and enjoyable. [...] I thought, “Wow, this is wonderful! I am not longer the arbiter of weird, random little rules about things like what they should like!” It's very liberating.”

“Thanks TCS

I was just formulating a response to a post [on the TCS List], and experienced a wave of gratitude for having discovered the TCS website and List. Many of my strong life long held beliefs have been validated, expanded upon and articulated significantly more clearly than I had yet, and a result of this is that I gave myself permission to have children. I've been determined my whole life not to have kids unless/until I thought I could be a good parent – but I had no models of anything I saw as good parenting (just less bad than others) and while I didn't buy into mainstream conceptualize of children or parenting, in fact I have seen it as being abusive and fostering attitudes that lead to more severe abuse. I also knew I had enough difficulties in my life and issues (leftover from my coercive childhood) and I've always been well acquainted with how people seem to replicate their family life, even when its the last thing they want to do (breaking all the “I swear I'll never do THIS to my kids” or blinding doing the opposite of their parents).

Finding TCS has given me a function model of how I could be a parent, it's the only model I've seen that doesn't systematically hurt children and it's this huge blessing in my life that I am very grateful for. It's likely to be another year or three before I'm in a position to choose to become a parent, and the glimpses of how it can be possible to do that in a good way give me a lot of joy and hope.”

“[About TCS:] it's the opposite of rigid parenting — it's parenting that throws out the idea of being rigid and of denying that children have minds are are just as good as parents if not better at rational thought and that their thoughts and ideas should be taken seriously.”

“Thanks for your wonderful ideas.

I have been lurking on this list for months. I just want to say how much I appreciate everyone's ideas. I've recently noticed how the idea of non-coercion has percolated thru many aspects of my life:

eg, the transformation in the relationships among myself, my children and my grandchildren has been miraculous, as the fear of coercion drops away (I want to stress that there was fear on BOTH sides! ie it is scary and alienating to DO the coercing too)

eg, I find myself gently mentioning non-coercion (and this list) to other parents I know — I was too tongue-tied before to EVER say anything about childrearing styles — and they have all been incredibly, thirstily receptive

eg, my relationships with other adult friends are “melting” as I change the way I react to those who were coerced as children, continue to expect be coerced, and are thus stiffened against it

eg, I listened with completely new ears to an argument about locking up mentally ill patients

etc!

Thanks again.”

“Thanks for your suggestions! Everyone's response to my questions has been wonderful — and overwhelming. I really appreciate all the time you've put into your posts”

“I ran into TCS writings online about three years ago, and it really struck home to me right away. Trying to come to consensual solutions for conflict has been nothing but helpful for my family's dynamics. I think my kids are pretty wonderful and very rational, my four year old AMAZES me with her common sense and ability to do what she wants.”

“I haven't posted for awhile, but I want to let you all know that this List has been a tremendous source of support for me, stimulating a lot of deep thinking and discussion. TCS is really a profound world-view shift, and it's brought incredible joy to our family.”

“TCS is a challenging philosophy and makes you really rethink the more “comfortable” ways of doing things. I know that I'm endlessly challenged by it and often hopelessly discouraged, but I find that I'm learning more about myself and my family by making a conscious effort to be non-coercive in all my relationships.”

“WOW! Now that I have begun exploring this theory, I realize what a controling person I am. I think I truly fear anarchy, doom and mayhem. ;-)”

“I'm off [...] for 10 days and have to suspend my TCS mail. [...] I panic when I think I'm going to lose my daily dose of TCS!”

“I hate it when I fuss at my kids. I think of how awful other parents sound when they fuss at their kids, but sometimes I just can't do anything else. I appreciate all of the honest answers this List produces. [...] I feel as if I am at the point where I can't go back. Even if I continue coercive parenting, I will never like it. I have to make the change. [...] Anyway, I am really enjoying these posts. Thanks.”

“I like how hard you all think about this TCS. I am glad that I am not the only one in the world that thinks about this stuff and try's to break the chain of more or less useless parenting that was passed on.”

“I must say that I am impressed by the ideas here and am in the process of rethinking my parenting.”

“Hello – I have lurked on this List for months. I am enjoying the conversations, and finding it easier to avoid coercing my 2.5yo son. My son hasn't been coerced as much as the typical child (much, much less),

but I still have those knee-jerk coercive reactions at times, usually when I am tired or stressed. Usually when something potentially coercive comes out of my mouth, my son looks at me like I'm crazy and repeats s-l-o-w-l-y what it is he wants or is about to do. Makes me laugh (and apologise.) My son will ask me about something he thinks might be dangerous or unpleasant. My nephew and niece will just do something, and assume unless someone immediately stops them, it is OK. Their safety is entirely in their parents' hands.”

“I am learning a LOT from this discussion! I deeply appreciate the time that many people have taken, both in private and on the List, to address my questions and arguments concerning tantrums; I have a much better perspective on this now, and I am slowly weeding out my false premises.”

“I wanted to say thanks to Sarah for providing us with this forum and some justification for following a path that the rest of society finds untenable...”

“Thanks for putting me on the List. [...] Thank you again – you must know that the contact I have made here is the best thing that has happened to me this year!” — message dated Thu, 31 Dec 1998 09:33:10 PST

“Welcome to the List. I too was thrilled to find this sort of a List which advocates for kids, who so often don't get respect and are bullied and ignored. I learned a lot from the folks here and now want to help share these ideas.”

“As an Attachment Parent and unschooler I thought I was radical – until I discovered TCS!”

“...Reading the TCS [List] got me out of my postnatal depression. It is so positive and it rang so many bells for me, that it really helped.”

“You can look at the web pages before deciding whether or not to subscribe to the List. My own experience is that I subbed once and found the List very dry, I wanted something juicier where people discussed real children etc. So I unsubbed. A friend encouraged me to try again and now I find the support for this way of thinking invaluable. It has not only made a large difference in my relationship to my husband and children, I have found levels of freedom I never thought possible before. I am able to think more clearly and have discovered how to know what I really want. Perhaps some extremely wise people could get there on their own but the world we live in is so filled with coercion that I find the List is my mental vitamin pill. :-) Give it a try.”

“I'm only two days new to this TCS List/site/concept... but aleady you have made a difference to our lives! Last night my 11 year old spent his hard earned savings ... on a skate board. Today, just 19 hours later, he was set upon, threatened with violence, and robbed of the skateboard by two much larger kids. A week ago I would have been sympathetic and caring but we would not have had enough money to replace it for him. Thanks to the [TCS] discussions about replacing toys deliberately broken, I was able to see that replacing it has a much higher priority that most other things in our lives at this time. Thanks.”

“I never would have had the great relationship I have now with my 3-year-old if it wasn't for the help of TCSers on this List for the past 1-2 years. Thanks a million.”

“One of the good points of TCS is that dissidents are welcomed. Unless you're looking for a mutual admiration society, there's no reason to leave. Hell, you might even inject some sense into the conversation.”

“The whole [coercive] concept [advocated by one poster] is sad. All I can do now is continue being part of the solution.... looking forward to more neat postings!”

“Thank you for this discussion group. Its deep questioning is so important!”

“This is fun! My brain hasn't stretched like this in an age. Thank you all.”

“I do appreciate the thoughtful interaction we have on this List.”

“On a final note, I'd like to express the gratitude I have for having a place like this List where I can vent my feelings about this rather mundane issue and have all my concerns respected.”

“I hope it's not inappropriate just to write to tell the List how glad I am I have found it! Thank you.”

“Once I got this new attitude about chores and housework and home maintenance – thanks to many discussions on this List – I find I now do things because I want to do them, when I want to do them, and am much happier about doing them.”

“You know, after reading this two days later, I'm thinking ‘duh...this is so obvious.’ I have no idea why it never occurred to me before to work out a way to let him have the raisins. Old habits die hard, I guess. ... Thanks, all of you who have been so patient with newbie questions!!”

“I'm very, very grateful that there are people like you who can offer support and wisdom.”

“Thanks again for helping me iron this out in a rational way... I DO appreciate all the input that I am getting....”

“I have to thank all of you who have given such helpful replies. It is still really hard for me to be completely non-coercive, but I am learning each time I read these posts. Thanks!”

“Thanks for opening my eyes!”

“I am so thankful that I have this List. I don't think I could go on without it. I kind of feel like an alcoholic in AA...not that I know what that is like, but I'm sure it's similar!”

“This List is a lifeline for me. To say that it has changed my life and my children's lives is an understatement.”

“I love this List!”

“Too often we throw up our hands and say, “I can't help” when we could if we really wanted to. That's what TCS is about (to me): wanting to help my children get what they want and enjoying it. It's not an easy path but it is soooo rewarding!!”

Thank You!

I can't even tell you how much TCS has changed my life. It is just amazing. My relationship with my children has improved incredibly. I can actually communicate with them now, and feel good about it, instead of always wondering if I'm being too hard on them, or if I'm letting them get away with too much. I know I must be doing something right, just by the way that we are able to talk and get along so much better than before. I was at first amazed by how co-operative and easy to get along with children could be when you stopped trying to control them. Now it seems obvious that children will be nice to you if you are nice to them. (And note that traditional parenting defines 'nice' differently than I do -- IMO, controlling people is not part of being nice.)

TCS has also changed other aspects of my life, aside from dealing with children. Realizing that an ideal solution always exists has allowed me to change my life and myself in ways I would have never thought possible before.

Thank you very much to TCS, and everyone involved, for opening my eyes to something that is so wonderful and amazing.

Out of this world

It's been a while since I've said how grateful I am for finding TCS, so I might as well chime in.

I too have had the personal benefits, when I found the TCS list more than six years ago I turned from a sort of a slug into using my mind again, almost like I found a reason for thinking rationally again, like waking up from a dream.

But the primary benefit of TCS for me has been in how I treat my children and how they treat me. Unlike some of you, I was nowhere near being TCS when I found it. Fortunately my children were very young then. I shudder to think what sort of parent I would be now if not for the explanations and arguments provided by Sarah, David and others. It's too horrible even to think about.

It's not magic. Autonomy-promoting treatment is very valuable and good for people; naturally we love it. The autonomy-promoting core of TCS, helping children direct their own lives, is at the core of *all* good relationships. We should influence our loved ones with the pursuit of truth, persuasion and inspiration (common preferences),

instead of with threats and pressure, as is so common in this world and as is especially common in parenting. The resulting mutual benefit, trust, love and kindness in my relationship with my children is truly out of this world, revolutionary, evolutionary, and something I revel in literally every day.

Ironic and sad what those who don't understand TCS are missing.

TCS Has Changed My Life

TCS really has changed my life. I will never look at children, or at relationships between any two people, the same way again.

Now I experience a little shock every time I hear someone say something commonly said to a child, such as, "Yes, you may have two cookies after you finish your sandwich." The shock comes from realizing that this other person has probably never heard of TCS, and if she did, would probably think it was nuts. Each time, I am amazed anew that TCS can make so much sense to me but seem so outlandish to so many other people.

I feel in my heart that TCS is so "right" that it can only become more and more accepted as time goes on.

Me too

I've been TCS for 2 or 3 years now. I'd like to add my thanks. TCS has made a big difference in my life as well as my kids' lives. It wasn't that tough a change for us because we were already radical unschoolers, but it helped with our consistency and challenged some unchallenged false assumptions we had.

I find it easier posting on the web than email forums so this new forum on the web is great.

Nice point!

Quoting above: "you could say TCS caused the loss of all our friends--but it would be more accurate to say that TCS has given us the best friendships of our lives."

I couldn't agree more. Now I am friends with my children while all the parents around me seem to be at war with theirs.

I prefer the company of my TCSish family (and those we quietly convert) to almost anyone else. Why? Because my TCSish family respects and appreciates me, warts and all. Why? Because I've learned to respect and appreciate them, warts and all.

I say "TCSish" because we've adapted a few of the underlying TCS theories (like Atheism) to better fit our understanding of life. I'd have to say that about 95% of TCS theory is sound though, and it's about 200 times better than the other parenting theories I see enacted around me.

I've been raised a TCS kid sin...

I've been raised a TCS kid since the 4th grade, and even though it's had an extremely good effect on my life, I still have only a very vague idea of what it is. That's the natural order of things, however; having only a very vague appreciation of the extemely good things in life. Who really does appreciate the good stuff?

But no matter how much good stuff it may contain, I hesitate to say that TCS has shaped my thought processes from head to toe. That would be discounting too many other millions of factors in my life. TCS is a wonderful, powerful philosophy, but even a wonderful, powerful philosophy, doesn't shape a person entirely. It had and has a profound effect on my life, yes, but it is not the tell-all tale of who I am today. What TCS has most done most for me is something just as important; it has *not* set me back in areas of my life that I see many other (non-TCS) people of all ages grappling with.

Learning was never shoved down my throat, so I found I enjoy it (indeed, love it) in and of itself. Hence I have a 4.0 GPA at UC Santa Cruz. Whereas many of the people at UCSC I know have always hated schooling so much they can't even open their minds to the possibility of learning something interesting-- which, in addition to being a tragedy by itself, wastes 17,000$ a year (28,000$ for out-of-state) for no reason.

It's pretty obvious that everyone gets a little bit fucked in the head by the way their parents bring them up, but I'm glad to say I got MUCH less mind-fucking than anyone else non-TCS I know, with very few exceptions. Naturally, the degree to which someone gets mind-fucked is directly correlated to just how mind-fucked their parents are; but, very often, parents are mind-fucked by the way THEIR parents brought them up, and THEIR parents are mind-fucked because of the way THEIR parents brought them up... Ad infinitum. Being treated like I wasn't some debilitated, retarded midget, like many people are, meant I could really experience things without worrying about the vengeful wrath of God (or dad). Drugs? I take 'em, they're fun. No big deal. Drugs? Some of my friends take them. Why? Because mommy told me not to, and now that I'm on my own in college I'm going to show her by doing so many I can't even remember how to spell my own name (speaking from experience, though not my own-- at least, I hope not:D).

If I had anything but a vague idea of what the hell TCS is, I could probably go into deeper particulars of the theory, psycho-analyzing my friends to my heart's delight. But, I'm sorry to say, these are the two main points I could think of, and even if I basically pulled them out of my ass, there they are:)

We love TCS

We love TCS here. It's helped us all R-E-L-A-X and let things go that before, we would have fought about. It's given us more empathy for one another. It's given us hope for a better tomorrow if not always a better today, and this keeps me going through the rough patches. Now I look at friends getting so tied up in knots about their kids, and I'm so thankful for TCS. We've got good kids. TCS helped us SEE that they're good kids. You ROCK, TCS!

WOW!

I was reading in Mothering today, as up untill now that was where I could get the best advise, and I came across a link to here. I have been looking for something in print like this that asertains what I have felt in my heart. I guess it all started when my step-mom got me a book on "setting bounderies" because she was "concerned" about my parenting. (I was 12 when my dad married her, she has never had kids) Turns out that that was pretty much the method I was using, (without knowing its name),

along with pretend "natural concequences". I guess there was something about seeing it in print, though, or my natural rebeliousness to somebody saying they "have it". Maybe my inclination to be judgemental because if they "have it", it better be perfect! Anyway, I realized as I was criticizing the book to myself, what was wrong with it. It said: "Setting boundaries; how to keep your kids under control!" and I realized that I didn't want to CONTROL my kids. I realized that this was what was wrong with All parenting philosophies. I felt in my heart what I should do, but I like seeing stuff in print; having a logical philosophy to fall back on. So I started looking. I realized that the purpose of a family is to love each other, without any stipulation. The world is hard enough, and God will teach them in a perfect way suited for them, when they're ready to learn. Our job is to be there for them. To Never inflict discomfort in the name of teaching. To Constantly show family members that they are loved. To build walls of trust, so when something does go wrong, they turn to us. Anyway, I found this site today, and it is wonderfull. It not only has The perfect parenting philosophy, but it does what I've always dreamed of, and that is leading the next big revolution for equality. I have always told family members that the next rights movement should be for kids, as they are treated sub-human. I always have dreamed of marching around carrying a big sign that says "Votes for Kids!" But untill now, I have never found anybody who did more than laugh and look at me shaking their head with a big smile on their face that said - "we know your crazy, but that's why we like you."

wickedness never was happiness

Before TCS I knew I was doing it wrong. I was not happy when I was diciplining. How could I be doing what was right if it made me feal so awful? "By their fruits ye shall know them."

Thanks for showing the way...

TCS has helped us so much more than any parenting theory I've ever come across--and I think I know them all! Being a late and reluctant parent (due to serious issues with how I was parented/coerced)I had a lot of insecurity about parenting, and doubted that I would "do it right" without help. As a result I sought out the best the "experts" could offer, but until I became familiar with TCS I dispared that I would ever find support for the repectful way I intuitively wanted to raise my son. I had theories about respecting kids but rarely found them taken into consideration in my reading. I tried time and again to make work the theories which seemed to respect kids the most but something was always "not quite right," so our family struck out on its own by unschooling and giving all family members equal rights. Then we found TCS...Yea! The TCS model has helped us so much in clearly describing what we're striving for and in leting us know we're not alone--so many others understand the importance of autonomy and non-coersion too! It now makes me sad to look back at how much my search through the parenting "how-to" manuals was really needing validation for treating my son with respect. The wrong-headedness of the advice available to parents is appalling. It's scary how abysmally kids in our culture are treated, but parents are treated pretty poorly too by an almost complete lack of information on respectful parenting, and of course they're ostracised or worse when they question the coercive norm. Until I found TCS I found almost no support or understanding for upholding the "rights" I felt kids should have, and I agonized over how to parent in a way I could feel good about without alienating those around me. Thank you TCS for providing so much clarifying information on what is going on with kids in coercive systems and how we can change it. I no longer try to accomodate the bad ideas I find around me. TCS has enriched my family, it influences the people we interact with, and we wouldn't be in the good place we are now without the support we receive from this site and list!

TCS really is great

This really is a great website, in which we owe to the creator. Sarah Fitz Claridge, from what I am told by her daughters, is the one who made this site. I do personally know her and on behalf of everyone we'd like to say: YOU ROCK SARAH, and so does QUEEN!!! olo Andy and Lulie and Lib.

TCS before baby

I feel so fortunate to have found this site before the birth of my first child (just a few months away). I was raised by respectful parents and was already very opposed to coercion, but the material on this site gave me the last extra nudge I needed to realize that there is alternative to coercion in EVERY situation. Many thanks!

Another unsolicited comment

“Sarah, Just founda your website. Absolutely fabulous. Well done.”

- Diane

Good!

Really Great. Tnx

This is beautiful.

This is beautiful.