What are some of the most common mistakes?

What are some of the most common mistakes parents new to TCS make?

off the top of my head...

focusing on coercion at the expense of finding common preferences

forgetting to count self-sacrifice as coercion

forgetting to share their best theories with their children early and often

I don't think that parents can expect to not make mistakes when learning about new ideas, mind you. Perhaps by identifying such mistakes here it will help people to recognize them and move past them more quickly than, say, I did!! :)

Common mistakes

Oh I LOVE this question!

MISTAKE 1. Thinking mistakes are a bad thing and not seeing how ESSENTIAL they are to learning.

MISTAKE 2. Thinking the parent has to figure it all out for the entire family and forgetting to include the children.

MISTAKE 3. Thinking TCS must be figured out all at once rather than accepting there are probably many layers of learning here.

MISTAKE 4. Thinking that one can Take Children Seriously in small steps.

MISTAKE 5. Thinking Mistake 3 and Mistake 4 contradict each other.

Oh gosh, I could go on and on ... as long as we're learning we'll continue making mistakes and vice versa :)

Explanation of Mistake 5

MISTAKE 3.

Thinking TCS must be figured out all at once rather than accepting there are probably many layers of learning here.

MISTAKE 4.

Thinking that one can Take Children Seriously in small steps.

MISTAKE 5.

Thinking Mistake 3 and Mistake 4 contradict each other.

Western culture tends to fudge the difference between making mistakes when trying to do something and not really trying to do it at all. (Think about teachers scolding children and telling them they're not really trying if they don't remember the times tables or whatever.) It's part of the whole authoritarian memes about the growth of knowledge thing. According to that meme if you find an idea then you will find it immediately obvious how to implement it, otherwise you have turned away from the path of truth and good and so on.

Mistake 3 refers to the idea

Mistake 3 refers to the idea that TCS is not a simple idea that, once learned, is deeply understood. It is an idea of such breadth and depth that the learning seems to continue on deeper and deeper levels. We are working against very powerful and deeply held cultural memes about children and parents, ideas that make up the very structure of our relationship to others and ourselves. We can continue to discover our blind spots and see more and more subtle ways in which we limit our children (and ourselves). I think this is an encouraging idea that helps parents continue in their learning.

Mistake 4 speaks to those who decide to "try" TCS for a while, or maybe "try" being "non-coercive" in a particular area but not others. In this way I think the choice to Take Children Seriously is like an on/off switch ... either we do or we don't. This doesn't mean we won't sometimes fail, but our failure won't depend on the idea that it's okay to not take children seriously in some areas.

Does that make better sense now? Francine

How about assuming that every

How about assuming that every other parent you know is bound to be just as excited about it as you are? Nothing like TCS fervor to suddenly shine a big ole spotlight on the learning curve... Not to mention having more mainstream friends determine that TCS must be some kind of cult.

Going slow and sharing ideas carefully with trusted friends makes sense to me in hindsight. ;)

I hear you, Dawn. It is impor

I hear you, Dawn. It is important also to ground yourself in tcs ideas before you (general you) go out trying to convince others.