I'm thinking maybe the first question ought to be "do you want to go to daycare?" and if not, make better plans. They might prefer to hang out and do fun things with you.

Sorry I only skimmed the rest of the post as I found much of the content too disturbing. I don't think punishment is a good response. Ever.

There's nothing wrong WITH your child, but there seems to be something very wrong FOR him. You don't need to have him articulate exactly what that is before yu begin offering better options.

Punishment is not really the answer here (or anywhere). Communication might be.

But, from what you describe, you are not communicating with your son. You are talking at him, with a pre-determined script in mind. Your second attempt with a "different approach" was really just more of the same, but with a different script.

And, you seem frustrated because he is not following your scripts. He's not "answering" the questions you want him to answer in a format you want him to use, with a content you want him to provide.

Yet, in the second conversation you describe, at one point it looks like he was starting to open up and talk about what happened at camp, but you cut him off and re-directed him to your script. You may very well have cut him off before he got to the reason why he is acting out.

It may be that he doesn't know exactly why... or at least hasn't made the connection between this and that for himself. Or perhaps he needs to feel you will listen to everything he needs to say before he opens up. Or perhaps he needs to talk in circles around what's really bothering him a while before he can talk about what is really bothering him...

Throw out the scripts. Talk to him, and, more importantly, listen to what HE wants to tell you. If he starts talking, let him lead the conversation where it needs to go. You're just along for the conversation ride. LISTEN to him. With NO pre-determined ideas about what he "should" say or what topics he "should" want to discuss.

THROW OUT THE SCRIPTS.

With all due respect, i think this boy sounds utterly bored and fed up. What type of relationship does he have with his father? What activities do they get up to together? I think generally, young boys get into these sort of ruts because their lives lack running wild, running ragged, kicking about, getting dirty and good chunks of wide-eyed, open-spaced anarchy with Dad & Co. What does he get instead? 'daycare', 'sitting and talking with mum', 'no TV', 'grounded', 'counselling' - I would find that timetable totally despairing too. Give him to Dad, throw away the domestic 'rulebook' and don't let them in the house until they are muddy, exhausted and full of tales of adventure!

The problem here isnt the child, it's honestly you. I don't believe that harsh punishment is the answer but punishment is needed. Children have to know whos boss in the house thats point blank. If you have tried talking to him in a nice way, trying to explain the reasons why he shouldn't kick people and it doesnt work, then the next step is telling him that HE CANNOT HIT, KICK, OR SAY THINGS THAT MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BAD!!! THATS IT! You are the mother, you set the rules, if you say no its no! Make sure you take everything he likes away, everthing! I know it's hard but believe me once he understands how it works when he disobeys you he will start to change. Trust me! enough with the nice mommy "and the Oh punishment isnt the answer", YES IT IS! Try it and you'll see that he will get the mpoint and stop. Right now all he's doing is for attention because he knows you'll sit and talk to him but besides that he will get his way, even if you take TV away he most likely know that he'll get to see tv soon enough.

I have read the responses to your post, some I agree with... the final one I really do not agree with, punishment really isn't the answer, getting tougher and tougher is going to take you further and further from a good relationship with your son. My advice, stop and take a breath! Sit yourself down and look at it. You know your son better than anyone does, would he behave like this with no reason? children may seem irrational sometimes, but only when we view them with adult eyes. What is happening here is you are head to head with him, feeling frustrated and angry because he doesn't respond to your adult reasoning, in my experience, when I have been in similar situation, its nearly always because I am missing some vital piece of information, or I am not seeing answers that are there if I had only looked.

So be the grown up and stand down. Let go of the punishment. Can you take him out of the daycare for a while? are there any other options available? Think before you respond, be creative, try to find ways to remove this stress from you sons (and your own) life. It doesn't matter so much why this situation isn't working, what matters is that it clearly isn't. You mention both your sons having problems, yet you focus then on your six year old, is there a way you could talk to your other child about what its like at the center? What matters here is your children, not what the day care staff think, not even what the counsellor thinks. So Stop! Step Back! Take a Breath! and for goodness sake Take Another Look!

Maybe 'punishment' is too a harsh word, and that's why people are freaking out here, but make no mistake, he needs to know there are ALWAYS consequences to his actions!! He is going to be bored sometimes, he going to be unhappy at school sometimes- that's life. He needs to understand that he doesn't always get to do what he wants to do- especially if it harms other people.
I think you are on the right track. Talking to him- you now understand that he maybe doesn't get why he shouldn't kick or hit people- maybe this is something you need to remind him of more often. If you see something, like other kids fighting, or something on TV use it as an example to remind him 'that hurts people! we don't do that because it's not nice'

And no, I certainly do not think this is your "fault". I do not think you are contributing to the problem. I do see that you have not found the answer, but I'm sure you're not alone on that one, dear.

It is possible that maybe this particular daycare is not condusive to your children. Socialization is important, but kids transfer schools sometimes, it's not that big of a deal.

Just remember, that your child is learning most things for the first time. Your job is to make sure that he becomes a model citizen, that, *in the long run* he is happy and productive. If you sometimes need to take away TV, or have a sit-down with him to go over the basics again, so be it.

In the end, just keep trying, stick with what works, trash what doesn't, and don't give up.