"Harmful to children", where did this phrase come from?
Odds are it was originated by an adult (18 and over).
Child censorship is an issue we shouldn't ignore.
No child above 12 years old should have restrictions about what he or she might get to see or hear.

Let's say a child of 13 wants to play a mature video game containing gory violence, nudity, and sexually stimulating situations (although no real sex is involved).
Instead of taking away any chance the child might have of seeing it, sit down with your child in a "one on one" and calmly discuss it as if you were in a college debate.

Really consider these points instead of just disregarding them, and enforcing your own law.
Become a "cool" parent in your kid's eyes by treating him or her as an equal, and your bond can only get stronger.

I'd like to stress, I am not a parent, nor am I a professional in child psychiatry.
I just remember how I felt growing up, not that my parents didn't do a good job of raising me.
I just think the "old school" way of thinking, is really not good enough.

I'm sure it was written here before, but I think it bares repeating:
For more information, visit esrb.org (contents must not be copied and links within site must not be posted).

My mother and I don't seem to know how to team up and help each other with our problems, and I find that very much a problem. I just basically want to know how we can be two pieces of the same puzzle, her understanding my situation in life and changing for me, and me being able to help her with her obstacles, and myself growing as a person. Hi. I'm seventeen, currently attending high-school. I have a few questions, and I was wondering if TCS could spare some advice.

(Just some backround) I tend to be a very negative person, and I often feel a lot of jealous and posessive feelings toward my girlfriend. I tend to be happy in social situations, but when it's just me, my mind wanders a lot. These past couple years I've had a hard time falling asleep at the right time, and I tend to feel as if doing anything physical that is a chore or task just plain arduous. I don't have any motivation really to do any of the things I wish to do, or have to do.
My mother is a good woman, but she suffers from the same lack of motivation and optimism that I do. She's an alcholic that tends to fall off the wagon a lot, and it's hard to deal with her when she's drunk. Especially because she can become violent, and the situations she puts herself in and also puts me in can escalate, never to extreme conditions, and I don't hit my mother. The situation seems to be looked at as my fault, and my mother just constantly rants to people, saying that I abuse her when she's drunk, but doesn't even remember the events that happened (she blacks out a lot).
I'm seventeen; I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I know my mom has as well. But I cannot help her with her addictions, and I myself have started smoking again. My mother and I don't seem to know how to team up and help each other with our problems, and I find that very much a problem.

My 2.5yr old sometimes hits, pushes and throws - what ought I to do about it?My 2.5yr hold is normally a very pleasant toddler, very peaceful and calm and non-confrontational. But occassionally she throws things, and sometimes they're heavy things that could do some damage, for no particular reason as well as when she's angry. If we ask her not to do something (and we don't often do so!), she sometimes hits us. When she's going through a bad patch this happens more and more often and quite often includes pushing her baby sister over, or hitting her. She's not a hard work toddler, and I expect the occassional meltdown when life doesn't make sense, and respect her needs as much as I possibly can (she's still breastfed, sleeps in our bed, isn't forced to do anything she doesn't want to do) but I'm finding this unpleasant behaviour very hard to deal with - in fact I haven't a clue how to deal with it! My instant reaction is to snap, or say 'no' very firmly (although ideally we try not to say 'no' to her!) - it makes me very angry to see her hit/throw/push - but I'm very aware that it's probably not the best course of action. I'd very, very much appreciate some guidance or suggestions or anything!

Many thanks

Clare

My 2.5yr old sometimes hits, pushes and throws - what ought I to do about it?My 2.5yr hold is normally a very pleasant toddler, very peaceful and calm and non-confrontational. But occassionally she throws things, and sometimes they're heavy things that could do some damage, for no particular reason as well as when she's angry. If we ask her not to do something (and we don't often do so!), she sometimes hits us. When she's going through a bad patch this happens more and more often and quite often includes pushing her baby sister over, or hitting her. She's not a hard work toddler, and I expect the occassional meltdown when life doesn't make sense, and respect her needs as much as I possibly can (she's still breastfed, sleeps in our bed, isn't forced to do anything she doesn't want to do) but I'm finding this unpleasant behaviour very hard to deal with - in fact I haven't a clue how to deal with it! My instant reaction is to snap, or say 'no' very firmly (although ideally we try not to say 'no' to her!) - it makes me very angry to see her hit/throw/push - but I'm very aware that it's probably not the best course of action. I'd very, very much appreciate some guidance or suggestions or anything!

Many thanks

Clare

My 2.5yr old sometimes hits, pushes and throws - what ought I to do about it?My 2.5yr hold is normally a very pleasant toddler, very peaceful and calm and non-confrontational. But occassionally she throws things, and sometimes they're heavy things that could do some damage, for no particular reason as well as when she's angry. If we ask her not to do something (and we don't often do so!), she sometimes hits us. When she's going through a bad patch this happens more and more often and quite often includes pushing her baby sister over, or hitting her. She's not a hard work toddler, and I expect the occassional meltdown when life doesn't make sense, and respect her needs as much as I possibly can (she's still breastfed, sleeps in our bed, isn't forced to do anything she doesn't want to do) but I'm finding this unpleasant behaviour very hard to deal with - in fact I haven't a clue how to deal with it! My instant reaction is to snap, or say 'no' very firmly (although ideally we try not to say 'no' to her!) - it makes me very angry to see her hit/throw/push - but I'm very aware that it's probably not the best course of action. I'd very, very much appreciate some guidance or suggestions or anything!

Many thanks

Clare

What should I have done, after observing what looked like a scary kind of parenting?I don't have a lot to say about this; I'm just a dabbler in the site at the moment, being a little too old for a child's perspective and a little too, err, childless for a parent's.

However, I'm curious what anyone else might make of this:

I'll skip the details of the circumstance, except to note that it was at the house of an acquaintance (not so well-known as to be a friend). A relation of that acquaintance was there with her children--one girl of about two or three, the other less than a year. More than once I heard the mother correct her kids simply by bellowing, "NO!" It sounded like a snarling dog, and at the same time, like the sort of short commands which are used to get through to dogs. One could hear her from another floor of the house.

We're not even necessarily talking about her reprimanding the children for doing something wrong. The only specific case I recall is when one of them wandered rather near the top of a staircase. It was definitely a command, though, not a word of warning or a cry of alarm.

This was not a person with whom I would feel comfortable having a general discussion on parenting, much less criticising her (even politely). That's partly because I barely know her, and partly because I'm nineteen years old (eighteen then) and don't expect to be treated as if I know the first thing about raising kids. (Which, I suppose, I don't, except in that I was one fairly recently.)

Was there any way to voice my horror raise my concern without creating an uncomfortable situation all around?

My two boys are 5 and 6. They, have been having behavior problems at their summer day care center. The six year old in particular has been acting in an inappropriate manner. These problems are escalating. At first he either refused to follow or ignored directions (such as getting out of the pool, etc.) I understand that this is relatively normal, but despite our best efforts his behavior has not improved In fact, it has worsened. He began running away from the group and pulling temper tantrums. We were concerned of course and were working hard to help him understand that one of the natural consequences of misbehaving is that you don't have as much fun.
Then he started hitting people. First he got into a fist fight with another child. Another time he tried to knock someone down. The last straw came when he was put in time out (again). He refused, and then HIT AND KICKED THE COUNCILOR. They had to send him home. I told him that he was grounded from TV for two days. He threw a fit.
That's not the major problem.
After I calmed down I sat down to talk to him. The conversation went like this:

Me: "Devon, why did you kick the councilor?"
Him: (reluctantly) "I dunno, I just did".
Me: We don't hit other people. Do you know why?"
Him: "nooo"
Me: "please try and think of a reason OK?"
Him:"Ummm because it's bad"
Me: But what makes it bad?
Him: Because I'm not supposed to.
Me: What does it feel like when someone kicks you?
Him: I don't like it
Me: Why not?
Him: because it hurts
Me: So how do you think other people feel when you kick them?
Him: *shrug*
Me: Do you think that they like it?
Him: *shakes head*
Me: Right. They don't like it. It hurts to get kicked, right?
Him: *nods*
Me: So we don't kick people OK?
Him: *nods reluctantly*
Me: Why do we not kick people?
Him: Ummm...because I'm not supposed to.
I wanted to tear my hair out.

Later I tried a different approach. I asked him to describe his normal day. Not only did I want to get a clearer picture of what had lead up to the incident I honestly wanted to know how he spent his day.

Hi all
looking for some advice here.
I am a seperated Father, i.e, my wife left me for someone else and took our son. He now lives with me every other weekend and half of nursery holidays. This situation sucks but thats another story.

My dilemma is this;

Time between my son and i is precious. We have and always have had a very close and loving relationship. Before his mum and i split i was the main carer for 8 months, during which time i treated him in a non-coercive way. He responded to this excellently. Since the split his mum has imposed a regime of daily nursery and what she calls 'a 3 year old must meet resistance' - boiled down this is 'a 3 yr old is too young to be allowed choices over much of what happens in his life.' I still follow the non-coercive route and our relationship continues to flourish in a very close and bonding way. The problem is my son is now showing a 'preference' my parenting 'style' and comlains to me about the 'regime' type imposed by his mum. I have talked to him as a fellow human being about this in apositive way, e.g. it's good for him to have mummy and daddy etc. I have not criticised his mums ways but have told him when he is with me he has control over his own choices. However he appears to have made some serious leaps wit hthis and has informed his mum that when he is 'older' he will live with me. Mum clearly is alarmed at this and accuses me of putting these ideas into his head. His mum told him i was lying to him about his choices to which he responded by hitting her. I have told him hitting his mum is bad and he is clearly close to wanting a conversation about the why's and whereford of this situation. My instinct is this - if he is old enough to ask me, he is old enough to have a balanced and sensitive answer. His mum strongly disagrees, as have friends of mine - they say he is too young.
I really am in a corner over this - i dont want to make intellectual boundaries for my son, lie to him, or co-erce him. Anyone got some words of wisdom, previous expereience for me? Would be greatly appreciated.

We should want our kids to improve on our ideas.

There are things parents say that make the TCS heart sink. Let's list them!

What are some of the most common mistakes parents new to TCS make?

Actually, I registered here about a year ago & lost the link =/

I haven't really been able to read through much here, but I manage a local Attachment Parenting info/support group website. My daughter is 3 years old now & recently started Nursery School at the public school within walking distance of our house {I'm posting here because I can be more anonymous!} I expected a transition stage, but last week 3 things really bothered me. I did not expect these things to come up based on the literature I read from the school & from the teacher....

1st I came early to pick my daughter up & saw that the teacher had all the kids gathered in a circle in front of her while she "discussed" their behaviors that morning ~ it seemed to be going OK until the teacher pointed to a couple kids in particular & said "YOU were a bad boy & YOU were very bad" @@ !!!!! When she was done I came in & asked her what was going on; she just said that there was an "incident" in the cafeteria. I didn't get the opportunity to find out any more than that, though, because I was already late for my appointment.

The 2nd thing that bothered me was when I walked in to see my kid crying between 2 other girls. I walked over & gently asked my kiddo to use her words to tell me why she seemed so sad. The teacher jumped on over, saying "Oh it's nothing, they were just fighting over the little horse, but I took it away so they're fine now." I felt like snapping back that I was not talking to HER, but instead I redirected my attention to my kid by paraphrasing what the teacher had said: "Your friends wanted the same toy as you so the teacher put it in time-out?" {which is what we call it when toys can't be played with for that reason & only toys go in time-out}. The teacher became oddly defensive: "NO, nooooo, they didn't go in time-out!" I just smiled & said I was talking about the horse. She blushed & walked away. I believe that simply taking the horse away does absolutely nothing to help the kids SOLVE the problem & PREVENT it from happening again; I believe the teacher should have had them share their feelings & think of a solution together before removing the toy.

If an adult tells your child that he's going to get his face punched in one day, simply because he speaks up and out, would TCS find this appropriate behaviour on the adults part? Opinions welcome.

What would you do if a parent told your child that he would never have any friends? Would you take it as an empty threat out of anger and/or jealousy or would you act upon it?

I have a girl 1 1/2 year old who gets into extreme temper tantrums. I am trying desperately to find a way to communicate with her, but she doesnt talk yet, and I dont think she's old enough to understand a 'common preference'. If she doesn't get her way RIGHT NOW, she is instantly transformed into a red-faced raging scream machine. she hits me too. I dont know what to do, I'm trying to follow the TCS, but it just seems impossible. All the advice here involves talking with the child, no one mentions how to 'talk' to a baby. A friend today told me that my baby is a spoiled brat who needs to have some discipline. that's like a slap in the face to me.

I'm trying to help my girl find solutions that we can both agree on, and have both of out needs met, but a baby just doesnt understand that mama has needs too, that aren't always the same as baby's needs.

I'm going crazy here, What can I do?