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Archive - 2005December 2ndProtecting children or child censorship?"Harmful to children", where did this phrase come from? Let's say a child of 13 wants to play a mature video game containing gory violence, nudity, and sexually stimulating situations (although no real sex is involved). Really consider these points instead of just disregarding them, and enforcing your own law. I'd like to stress, I am not a parent, nor am I a professional in child psychiatry. I'm sure it was written here before, but I think it bares repeating:
November 25thMotivation, building stronger relationships with parents, and parenting with ultimatum.My mother and I don't seem to know how to team up and help each other with our problems, and I find that very much a problem. I just basically want to know how we can be two pieces of the same puzzle, her understanding my situation in life and changing for me, and me being able to help her with her obstacles, and myself growing as a person. Hi. I'm seventeen, currently attending high-school. I have a few questions, and I was wondering if TCS could spare some advice. (Just some backround) I tend to be a very negative person, and I often feel a lot of jealous and posessive feelings toward my girlfriend. I tend to be happy in social situations, but when it's just me, my mind wanders a lot. These past couple years I've had a hard time falling asleep at the right time, and I tend to feel as if doing anything physical that is a chore or task just plain arduous. I don't have any motivation really to do any of the things I wish to do, or have to do.
October 23rdWhat some people call 'bad behaviour' in a toddler...My 2.5yr old sometimes hits, pushes and throws - what ought I to do about it?My 2.5yr hold is normally a very pleasant toddler, very peaceful and calm and non-confrontational. But occassionally she throws things, and sometimes they're heavy things that could do some damage, for no particular reason as well as when she's angry. If we ask her not to do something (and we don't often do so!), she sometimes hits us. When she's going through a bad patch this happens more and more often and quite often includes pushing her baby sister over, or hitting her. She's not a hard work toddler, and I expect the occassional meltdown when life doesn't make sense, and respect her needs as much as I possibly can (she's still breastfed, sleeps in our bed, isn't forced to do anything she doesn't want to do) but I'm finding this unpleasant behaviour very hard to deal with - in fact I haven't a clue how to deal with it! My instant reaction is to snap, or say 'no' very firmly (although ideally we try not to say 'no' to her!) - it makes me very angry to see her hit/throw/push - but I'm very aware that it's probably not the best course of action. I'd very, very much appreciate some guidance or suggestions or anything! Many thanks Clare
What some people call 'bad behaviour' in a toddler...My 2.5yr old sometimes hits, pushes and throws - what ought I to do about it?My 2.5yr hold is normally a very pleasant toddler, very peaceful and calm and non-confrontational. But occassionally she throws things, and sometimes they're heavy things that could do some damage, for no particular reason as well as when she's angry. If we ask her not to do something (and we don't often do so!), she sometimes hits us. When she's going through a bad patch this happens more and more often and quite often includes pushing her baby sister over, or hitting her. She's not a hard work toddler, and I expect the occassional meltdown when life doesn't make sense, and respect her needs as much as I possibly can (she's still breastfed, sleeps in our bed, isn't forced to do anything she doesn't want to do) but I'm finding this unpleasant behaviour very hard to deal with - in fact I haven't a clue how to deal with it! My instant reaction is to snap, or say 'no' very firmly (although ideally we try not to say 'no' to her!) - it makes me very angry to see her hit/throw/push - but I'm very aware that it's probably not the best course of action. I'd very, very much appreciate some guidance or suggestions or anything! Many thanks Clare
What some people call 'bad behaviour' in a toddler...My 2.5yr old sometimes hits, pushes and throws - what ought I to do about it?My 2.5yr hold is normally a very pleasant toddler, very peaceful and calm and non-confrontational. But occassionally she throws things, and sometimes they're heavy things that could do some damage, for no particular reason as well as when she's angry. If we ask her not to do something (and we don't often do so!), she sometimes hits us. When she's going through a bad patch this happens more and more often and quite often includes pushing her baby sister over, or hitting her. She's not a hard work toddler, and I expect the occassional meltdown when life doesn't make sense, and respect her needs as much as I possibly can (she's still breastfed, sleeps in our bed, isn't forced to do anything she doesn't want to do) but I'm finding this unpleasant behaviour very hard to deal with - in fact I haven't a clue how to deal with it! My instant reaction is to snap, or say 'no' very firmly (although ideally we try not to say 'no' to her!) - it makes me very angry to see her hit/throw/push - but I'm very aware that it's probably not the best course of action. I'd very, very much appreciate some guidance or suggestions or anything! Many thanks Clare
September 9thUnschooling and Karl PopperWhat Karl Popper has to say that is relevant to education.
August 28thWoof.What should I have done, after observing what looked like a scary kind of parenting?I don't have a lot to say about this; I'm just a dabbler in the site at the moment, being a little too old for a child's perspective and a little too, err, childless for a parent's. However, I'm curious what anyone else might make of this: I'll skip the details of the circumstance, except to note that it was at the house of an acquaintance (not so well-known as to be a friend). A relation of that acquaintance was there with her children--one girl of about two or three, the other less than a year. More than once I heard the mother correct her kids simply by bellowing, "NO!" It sounded like a snarling dog, and at the same time, like the sort of short commands which are used to get through to dogs. One could hear her from another floor of the house. We're not even necessarily talking about her reprimanding the children for doing something wrong. The only specific case I recall is when one of them wandered rather near the top of a staircase. It was definitely a command, though, not a word of warning or a cry of alarm. This was not a person with whom I would feel comfortable having a general discussion on parenting, much less criticising her (even politely). That's partly because I barely know her, and partly because I'm nineteen years old (eighteen then) and don't expect to be treated as if I know the first thing about raising kids. (Which, I suppose, I don't, except in that I was one fairly recently.) Was there any way to
August 5thSupporting a Child's Choice to Go to SchoolHow to help a child to try school safely.
July 25thDoes Your Child Love Visiting The Dentist?To ensure that your child loves visiting the dentist, read this!
July 3rdAre schools inherently coercive?Are schools inherently coercive, or is that just a property of all (or nearly all?) existing schools, and come the revolution, could there be TCS schools?
July 1stPlease respond! He won't talk to me!My two boys are 5 and 6. They, have been having behavior problems at their summer day care center. The six year old in particular has been acting in an inappropriate manner. These problems are escalating. At first he either refused to follow or ignored directions (such as getting out of the pool, etc.) I understand that this is relatively normal, but despite our best efforts his behavior has not improved In fact, it has worsened. He began running away from the group and pulling temper tantrums. We were concerned of course and were working hard to help him understand that one of the natural consequences of misbehaving is that you don't have as much fun. Me: "Devon, why did you kick the councilor?" Later I tried a different approach. I asked him to describe his normal day. Not only did I want to get a clearer picture of what had lead up to the incident I honestly wanted to know how he spent his day.
June 30thThe Dark Side of John HoltDespite having been influenced by our very own David Deutsch, John Holt was not as close to TCS as we might have hoped.
June 29thQuestioning Natural ConsequencesMary Ann points out that if a friend knocked over a cup, we would help clean it up, so why not do so for our children too?
June 28thCoercion — the Meaning of the WordHow close is the thing we TCS folk call “coercion” to “coercion” in everyday usage?
June 27thWhy Is A Three-year-old Child Hitting And What To Do?Sue Cvach has some advice for parents whose young children seem to be lashing out against their siblings.
June 26thChoosing to go to school or IraqDo not assume that a child is acting irrationally just because he or she wants to go to school.
June 25thCarseat In A Medical Emergency?Sometimes it helps to step back and get things in perspective.
June 24thFront page articles
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for the list with the most recent article at the top.
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for the list with the oldest article at the top.
"Time Out" — Time Off or Serving Time?
Front page articles
The oldest article appears at the top.
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for the list with the most recent article at the top.
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for the list in alphabetical order.
Optimism
Front page articles
The most recent article appears at the top.
Click here
for the list with the oldest article at the top.
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for the list in alphabetical order.
What should I read first?
Breaking The Spiral Of CoercionDid you hate being bossed about by your parents and teachers? Have you developed a life strategy of “my way is the only way” to prevent others coercing you? The problem is that in applying this to your children, you do to them the very thing you hated as a child – and you cause them to grow up to do the very same thing to their own children.
June 23rdChildren's Rights and the LawAn argument about children's legal rights, addressing the issue of how children might be protected under the law even if their legal rights were the same as adults'.
June 22ndIs Your Child Worried About Death?If so, this might help.
June 21stBut if we don't make her do maths...TCS parents do not force their children to study. They do not try to manipulate them into it. They do not push them. They do pay attention to what seems to interest their children and facilitate their exploration in that sphere, and in any related spheres the parent thinks the children might find interesting. But if children are not pushed, how could they ever become, say, a mathematician? What would this process look like? David Deutsch paints a word picture that may help.
June 20thHow do you get children excited about maths?Why I always shudder when I hear such questions.
June 19thUnschooling And Schooling as a ContinuumUnschoolers have an aphorism, “Never offer, never refuse”, and think of that as being at one end of a continuum, and school or “school at home” being at the other. In this 1995 post, I explained why this continuum misses the point. I was rather delighted to be told that TCS education is somewhere other than at the extreme end, though. ;-)
June 18thJunk Food WorriesMany parents worry that eating a lot of junk food might lead to ill-health. Elliot's post may set some minds at rest.
June 17thDoes educational freedom lead to big gaps in knowledge?It is often asserted (usually by school teachers) that if children are not forced to go to school or, at the very least, to study an externally-imposed curriculum, there will be big gaps in their knowledge at the end of their education. Is this true? Is it any less true of children subjected to a standard curriculum? Is it a problem? And if so, which children will be better able to fill any gaps later: those who have been subject to a curriculum, or those who haven't? Mike Fortune-Wood has the answers.
June 16thTaking Children Seriously (The TCS Journal)I started publishing Taking Children Seriously (The TCS Journal) in 1992 and finally wound up the operation in 2005, though I had not put out a journal for a number of years. Unfortunately, publishing on paper is prohibitively expensive and these days readers prefer to read the web site. Back issues are still available for those who want them. Email backissues@takingchildrenseriously.com for details.
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