Are there any other parents out there who, due to circumstances outside their control, are forced to send their child to school, despite their very deep misgivings? I am interested in adding to our kit-bag of strategies for mitigating the damage done by the school system, and am wondering what other parents in my position do. Here's a brief summary of our story: My daughter has been brought up by me since she was 4, and has become used to being treated with great respect and trust, and participating fully in her own life. She is a very smart person, and began hating school with a vengeance 3 years ago, at the age of 8. She reacts very strongly to the lack of choice, the authoritarianism, the boredom and what she sees as the hypocrisy of the system. The contrast between home and school is extreme, which I'm sure adds to the problem. I have been told that my daughter's unhappiness stems from my willingness to "indulge" her by validating her complaints. If I just told her to get on with it and stop whining, apparently, she would no longer feel conflicted and would settle to the life of the classroom. We talk a great deal about all this, she is aware of John Holt, John Taylor Gatto, Paulo Freire, Alfie Kohn etc. and she knows she deserves better. I have been blocked from homeschooling her, so am in the difficult position of knowing that homeschooling or unschooling would meet her needs, but being compelled to keep sending her to school.

Hey bloggers!

As you may begin to learn when you read my blogs that I have a brother and a sister. My brother is 17 and my sister is 21. i'm the youngest. My brother and sister have always had that "special connection" and I have always been the "outcast" in the family. What would you do to pass the extra time? Post it, and I will get back to you!

XOXOXOXOXO- Manny

So; school. something always on everyone's mind. Right now, I just got out of school from having a wopping total of five exams in three days. People say that kids have no job; but going to school, dealing with pubescent teens, and teachers/exams, school should be considered work enough. How many of you guys are straight A students; in higher level grades. I am and I know just hw much pressure there is at this job. It's like; holding a manager's job in eighth grade. Since i am all A's, parents have definately began expecting much more. I feel sorry for my brother though. He gets B's and C's in school; and because the expectations have been set so high; they seem to be expecting more out of him than me. It really makes me upset when people base their expectations on the best, right? Well, I'm gonna ssign off, but plz post replies! I really want to hear what you've got to say! XOXOXOXOXO- Manny

This is my first blog on TCS. I found this place at school and have decided to do a tell all blog about the pressures of school, drama, and anything that goes up; but I want to hear from you! Please leav comments! XOXOXOXO- Manny

My nephew is very hyper active. When he and my daughter are together he is constantly trying to force her into playing with a certain toy/game or forcing her to talk to him and what not. My daughter is a typical girl - very gentle, laid back and is quite content playing by herself. My nephew is very over bearing, hyper, he doesn't listen to most people, and is driving me insane! I'm very close to my sister but I have now been distancing my daughter and I because of his behavior. What can I do? What could be the problem? I'd love to have this fixed while he's still young.

I cant take school any more...the stress is killing me...I am a 'gifted' student in a gifted program and the think we are super smart...but reality check WE STILL NEED HELP! WE DONT KNOW EVERYTHING! i need so much help in school but i am so very scared and shy to ask..(I am not a shy person but i do not like asking questions and i am not good at wording them either) i have alwayz gotten all a's and b's...but i now have my first c...cuz of a mistake i made that i rather not talk about..it iz kinda embarrassing (BTW I CAN SPELL CORRECTLY I JUST DO NOT PREFER TO HERE) but now that c iz eating me alive...and it haz ruined my always-had-all-a's-and-b's thing..i cant take ruining that..but i cant do anything about it
The stress of school getz me sick and i have a headache constantly..ive even been to the doc for it...i dont wanna be in this gifted program but im near graduating(eighth grade) and i must stay in it until this year iz over..and by then i will be moving on another skool....
sigh...i dont wanna be smart..im very proud of my self but ppl alwayz expect so much out of me...thingz i cant do :/ and I want to be an engineer...half the stuff i learn will be of no use... >:(
I Just wasted a whole class period on this website writting what i feel because 1. I need to let things out cuz i alwayz hold things in.. and 2. the teacher wont help me on my science fair project(which is due in 9 dayz :/ and i need help)
I CANT TAKE SKOOL ANYMORE

Hi, I am new to the forum.

I was wondering your thoughts about Jacobellis v. Ohio, a case concerning constitutional standards for censorship activities involving children. The case concluded "laws aimed specifically at preventing distribution of objectionable children might be acceptable."

Related to this, do you think it should be permissible to restrict certain ads on television channels aimed at children?

Is this censorship?

BOREDOM.
It merely sucks!

Talk about how bored you are.
:D

My 3 and half year old son has been pulling hair (of other children at school). It started a few months ago, until then he would pull my hair only. A few months ago, after repeatedly telling him don't pull hair, he stopped pulling my hair at home but started doing so at school instead and now he does it at home and at school. He is a bright kid, but just does not understand pulling hair, hitting, scratching hurt. He is also in a class where everone (who is over 4) communicates much better than he does, and his behavior seems to have worsened gradually since he was moved to this new class (gradually over a year or so and last week he started hitting and scratching!). No amount of talking, time out, and spanking helps(did it out of frustration and realized its wrong!). While changing environments (school) is an option, what if the behavior does not stop even with that done. Is it the environment, lack of ability to communicate, or in general a stage that some 3 year olds go through? How do I hadle this so that the other children are safe and the root cause of this agression is taken care of so that my son is happy as well?

Hello, I'm new to the site so hope this post finds you well :) I'm still very much learning non-coercion myself, and whilst I solidly believe in the concept, it doesn't always come naturally. I often revert back to labelling people 'bad' and verbally disapproving without even realising I'm doing it, but I hope practice will make pefect.

With this in mind, how would one pass on the philosophy to authoritarians? I am finding acquaintances will follow an example to fit in whilst I'm in their company, but some frown upon 'weak, namby pambying' around children and some will challenge the notion that children aren't simply bad people who need to be forced into good ones!

So how can I reason with parents and carers of children who do not want to change? Or is this just another form of coercion?

As the world slips deeper and deeper into a dependence on Information Technology, the future of online learning and digital technology seem inevitable. Computers are no longer restricted to computer technology classes. They have made their way into every learning environment. Within the next ten years, initiatives such as “One Laptop per Child” promise global access to the internet for all children regardless of their infrastructure and level of poverty. If so, demand for computer-based learning concepts that are adaptable and accessible will likely skyrocket. With children representing such a significant segment of the user demographic, let us examine the advantages and drawbacks of video-game technology. Countless renowned scholars embrace the future of video games as learning tools, but there remains a social stigma that inhibits progress on moral grounds. This blog entry intends to examine the highly popular video games of today for their enormous educative potential. In the process, a series of popular beliefs and misconceptions will be discussed and hopefully clarified.

Games, just like any learning exercises, come with a set of values that ultimately teach a moral lesson. These values, explicit or implicit, may even differ from the intended pedagogical lesson. Below are some simple games that, when applied to a classroom, teach various moral lessons.

Nobel Prize winning mathematician, John Nash (1951) developed a series of games that he applied to mathematical analysis of the patterns of human behaviour known as Game Theory. One of his best known challenges is a game aptly named “Fuck-You, Buddy”, then changed to the more appropriate “So Long, Sucker” (Although most scholars still lovingly refer to it by its original name). The game involves three or more players sitting in a circle. Each player has a set of seven uniquely coloured chips. The fun begins when each player in turn places a chip on the table in a stack. When two chips of the same colour are placed in a row, the corresponding player may collect the stack. When a player has no more chips he or she is eliminated. Players may hold each other’s chips hostage, and any deal may be made or broken at any time as long as it is made at the table. The last player at the table wins.

This game, on a pedagogical level, is effective in teaching strategy, negotiation skills, and cooperation while applying mathematical equations to real life. This basic game structure is used in many mainstream board games such as Monopoly, Risk and Diplomacy to name a few. But, what are the moral values that players take away from this game?

My son is 14. He has a 12 year old brother and i am a single parent. I am finding it hard to bond with my eldest, because he has decided that he is 'man of the house'. For the past 2 years, he has found it difficult to cope with his father becoming a transexual and then he came out as gay at school. When ever we argue, he ends up shoving me across the room, swearing and punching me!

I know he needs something to do to let off steam, but he does not want to do ANYTHING he just goes on his laptop when he gets in from school. I have asked him if he wants to do judo or swimming etc, but he just shouts, throws his fists around and slams his bedroom door. His younger brother usually tries to pull him away from me, but he ends up hurt.

What i need is advice on how to calm the situation, before it gets to the stage where he becomes violent. He has been to counselling, but he now refuses to go and apart from dragging him down the road (he is far too strong for me) his brother and i just tiptoe around him, trying not to upset him (which is hard, because anything sets him off!!) Life is almost unbearable, my family live 300 miles away and i dont socialise at all, because i live in a bad estate and i am practically a recluse. Does anyone have any suggestions??

help.
i am bored
and fed up
and tired.
in the last 2 days, i have had 5 hours sleep.
my so called best friends hate me
and i am generally miserable
my french teacher appears to be going through a midlife crisis, and i am stuck next to sam, who keeps looking over my shoulder to see what i am writing. i should be finishing off my animations, but i left my french book at home, and can't be bothered to try and remember it. So i am writing this instead.....
i am feeling weird, my boyfriend used to go out with my best friend, then SHE broke up with HIM.
i now go out with him, and she's not talking to me on the account that she thinks i stole her boyfriend.
ever since i started going out with him, she has been really jealous. she purposely made good friends with him again (she's hated his guts before we went out). at first, i thought, good, no problem, i'm glad they are friends, but she's just admitted that she still likes him a LOT. he's still a bit hung up on her, and according to my friend, she asked him out last night. apparantly, he's now gonna dump me for her.

my life sucks.

I'm at school. DDD:
The eighth graders are taking FCAT, sooooo I'm stuck in my Technology class with three other people [most of the class was in eighth grade] and a substitute.
So, after playing any game the school's computers wouldn't block, I got bored. I typed in "bored in school" and got some blog entry or whatever from here. So, yeah, I signed up.
I'm going to use this to amuse myself for a little bit [even though I dunno' what I'm supposed to post or anything, but whatever] . . .
I'm hungry. DDDD: I wish I would of brought my I-Pod to school today, so I could at *least* listen to music. It's really quiet in here - I can here the sound of me typing across the room. '-_-
Maybe I'll mess around with my DS or read or something, 'cuz there's still fourty minutes left of class [I think].
I wanna' listen to musicccccccca'. DDDD;
ughhhh. what kinda' music do you . . . people listen to? I hope this isn't one of those serious forums where I'd get yelled at for posting this. :x
oh welllll. XD
i skipped saturday work detail and now i might get suspended for two days. DDDDD:
ughhhh.
oh, yeah, i wanna' see that movie about that conneticut haunting. it looks good.
lol, joseph just went up to the sub. to ask to go to the bathroom -- again. she said no. DXXXX
poor joseph. :(
anywayyyyyyy . . ..
yeahhhh. after this is fourth period [i think, i'm not sure how they're doing things today] -- that means i have pe next. D:<
i hate my pe teacher. she looks like a tweaker or something. she sounds like it, too. XDDD
yeahhh, she's mean. >_<
she takes pe too seriously. annnddddd never gives us anytime when we get back from pe to go to the bathroom or anything. D:< i got half my points taken away last week becauase [after we came in from being in the sun and everything] for taking too long to fix my hair and stuff. '-_-
ugh.

idk wat dah whole reason of goin 2 skool is..it just makes us want 2 go insane..i mean sumtimes i just want 2 kill myself its not dat i dnt pay attention i just dnt fill lyk listening 2 dah teacher talk cuz they talk bout dah same dame thing all day every day..i mean dahonly reason i go 2 is 2 c my lil sis and friends..most of the tym i just want 2 stay home and play my x-box 360...
i dnt get dah whole point of skool it makes no sence..
the only reason i think paretns make us go 2 skool is so they culd have a piece of quiet around dah house..enyway gots 2 go..

peace out

I am so bored right now! Also, I think that i have the attention span of a cat! I usually like this class because the teacher is really awesome, but right now i just can't concentrate and just want to go outside and run around because it is the second day that its nice outside. We are studing Shakespeare at 9 in the morning1 omg i just want my nose to fall off because it is running and our cheap school never buys any kleenx's! Our school is soo cheap that in the winter ther is no heat and in the summer its freezing too!!! i am in a random mood today i just want it to be tomarrow right now and then i could do my solo and all the solo and ensemble stuff would be over and i could do nothing but lay outside in the sun! wow these computers suck it take forever to do anything and you can't go anywhere or do anything fun!!! i typed in bored in school in my computers class the other day and this website came up so now i want mine to come up and for other bored people to read it! that would be awesome. even thou mine's prolly more boring than the other one, that is ok. if you read this whole thing than way to go! you rule and are just as bored as i am writing this!

Hello, I'm fourteen years old and I'd like to build a stronger relationship with my mother. I've never really had a relationship with her, but when I was little, I'd hug her, kiss her, and tell her I loved her everyday. Today, I hardly even speak to her. Over the past few years, a lot of things have happened to change the way I am, or the way I react to certain situations, but I won't go into detail. I've always been quiet and somewhat of a loner. My mother thinks that I hate her and our family. She thinks I'm depressed and I need therapy. Whenever she tries to communicate with me, we just end up getting into fights because of our disagreements. My current therapist says that I act the way I do because of my Hyperthyroidism. He explained this to my mother, but she completely disregarded it. I have no idea how to come about this, and I think I should just wait until I'm more mature, but maybe it'll be too late. I just want the tension between us two to be gone and for her to be slightly, maybe, just a little more happy.

My 2 year old son use to hit/slap my wife all the time. He use to slap me once in awhile but only becasue I told him no. I noticed that my son has stopped hitting my wife since she has been paying more attention to him. She use to be on the computer for long hours. Did my son hit my wife because she was not paying enough attention to him or neglecting him?

As a parent who has done her best to raise her children the TCS way there is one reoccuring issue that I find the most hard to deal with. Something that I never considered when taking on this philosophy all those years ago. I have a fairly good understanding of TCS, and I agree with the principles... yet I have parenting issues and problems as every parent does... the difference? I have no one who understands the things I struggle with, and the solutions they give are very much un-TCS.

A TCS parent cannot sit amongst a group of mums and talk about how it can be frustrating that your children stay up till 2 - 3am because they are too interested in their computer games... how this messes up the whole day for the mother as the children then sleep till midday and beyond, but are still too young to be left alone. She cant talk about how sometimes she is just sick and tired of talking and reasoning and wants to just be able to say "do it because I say so, and if you dont I will cut your pocket money this week". Her family and friends dont understand, often the attitude comes back "its your bed, now lie in it". A depressed TCS mother cannot seek help for fear of her parenting technique be bought to question.

So if you are thinking of TCS for your children... I would support your decision, I think its the only way to raise your children. Be prepared to have little or no support tho, understand that often the people around you will not only not understand, but may actually revel in your difficulties because it justifies their own disciplinarian methods. Understand that the usual lines of help if you get into serious problems with your own health are closed to you. Do I think its worth it? this isn't really a question for me, I dont think I can be any other way towards my children than I am now, TCS is how I feel about childrearing... but sometimes... I just wish I could call up a friend or go online and find someone right there to hear me cry and rant...

Sorry to ask a question that's probably been asked a hundred times before, but I'm new here.

Suppose a parent comes to the realization they've been parenting all wrong (coercively) and that their very strong, self-assertive child is not responding well to that at all (battle of wills). So the parent reads, thinks, and decides to change.

Bedtime rolls around. Or what would be bedtime. But now the parent has NO idea what to do. Usually she gets the child in bed with a mix of "tactics" and now she doesn't trust any of them. But the child is used to rebelling. So, he stays up. The parent tries to talk to him and reason with him, but his eyes are glued to the TV and he just mutters, "I'm staying up" and completely stops responding after that.

What could the mom do- she doesn't want to be just permissive, but the child gives her no opening to discuss it or come up with some mutually acceptable solution. People seem to say, well a child raised with TCS will reason and discuss with you. But what about a child who hasn't, to this point, been raised that way?

Taking Children Seriously is a radical break from our (the modern world's) "traditional" way of viewing the world and people (children in particular). By "tradition" I mean maybe the last several hundred years of human history.

Yet from what I've learned of the few primitive people-groups still living in the world today (I'm thinking mainly of the !Kung of Africa and the Yequana of South America), these people live consensually and never, or rarely, coerce others in the tribe irregardless of age.

I'm not saying I'd want to do away with progress. I love to read, philosophize, debate, partake in coffee and chocolate, and do many things I probably wouldn't be doing if I were a Stone-Age Indian living in a totally harmonious, cohesive, and natural community.

(Of course, there'd be many compensations such as having attachment parenting be the norm -- but I must admit there's this piece of me that loves diverging from the norm, even in the way I parent.)

But could it be that progress has stimulated some individuals to keep seeking ever greater control over the world, and over other people, in order to increase their individual power and ability to make things go the way they want them to?

Could it be that our current heirarchical traditions are really a by-product of progress?

In that case, TCS is both new and ancient at the same time! I love the idea of getting to have my cake and eat it too! For instance, some other non-coercive folks I've dialogued with online seem to strongly disapprove of people like me who still buy foods and other products from "mainstream" suppliers.

From what I've been reading here, it sounds like we're welcome to come to TCS as we are and reach our own conclusions about outside issues. I hope to hear others' ideas about these things.

One of the main tenets of TCS is giving people freedom to do what they like when they like; I realize that TSC is a complex philosophy, so forgive my clumsiness if that's an oversimplification.

I grew up in a permissive environment. If I wanted to eat mashed potatoes for breakfast, or wear my elf costume to school, my parents let me. If I signed up for ballet or ice skating or horseback riding, and then grew bored, or had a conflict with my instructor, I quit. If I didn't want to do my homework or clean my room I didn't. In high school I missed 16 days one quarter, because I didn't feel like going. I didn't have a curfew, or restrictions about movies, sex or parties. I'm sure you get the idea, I want to keep this short.

But today, as an adult I'm pretty irresponsible. I have a very difficult time initiating action, and I give up quickly. Even things I want to do, like keep the house clean, or eat healthy foods, I don't do consistently, even though I feel much happier when I do them. I live for the moment, and can't be bothered to work for a goal, or delay gratification. A hypothetical example: even though I want the garbage men to take my trash away, if I don't feel like setting it out by the curb, I don't. Then later I feel sad and frustrated that I didn't do it, and my quality of life and happiness suffer.

Just wondering what your thoughts are.

A few important articles to get you started.

OMG im a tipical 13 yo gurl frm a tipical small skool and im BORED!! im always tired b/c they pound crap into our heads w/ hammers and nails then glue us back together! if they would do more visual things, i would learn more and we would have more fun! skool shuld b fun...were kids!! theres only 1 time u get to b a kid and there wasting it on crappin skool!!

i play sports ok? i wake up @ 630...go to skool till 4....@ 430 i have bball practice or cheerleading practice or track practice or cross country training or games or tennis practice or other crap like that! sumtimes i dont get home till almost midnight frm crap and then on top of that i still have all the boring crappin hw that all the teachers pile on till were drownin in it and crap so then im up till like 1 or 2!!then sumtimes on test nites i have to pull allnighters!! and im pretty smart, and crap but not a nerd.... but im always tired frm staying up so late!!! then every other day i have quizes and pop tests and vocabulary in 2 classes and then i have history and all the other crap everyone else has cept im glad this year i dont have to take frickin spanish!!!!

gah teachers should give us less hw or just fun hw!! i heard of a teacher one time that gave VIEDEO GAMES 4 hw!! i wish more teachers were like that!!!!! im getting a headache frm all this crap.

Why you should think twice before praising a particular LEA (local education authority).

More discussion with a radical unschooler on the subject of education and coercion.

Parents often fear that a child might make the wrong decisions about what to learn.

A charming story for everyone who has a bed-making issue.

Misunderstandings and miscommunication are common occurrences, so it is wise not to jump to negative conclusions.

This piece by Elliot may help some understand TCS ideas about coercion and solving problems.