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Another Take on TCS

A few misconceptions and an interestingly positive comment about TCS:

I've been on the TCS list off and on, but mostly on, for over 4 years. Although I haven't bought into everything they believe, they do have some very interesting and useful ideas. For example, the point that children are people with the right to autonomy and respect. Many people say that they believe this, but not very many actually put that belief into practice.

TCS also teaches that coercing one's children is morally wrong. I agree with this to a certain extent. I believe that the dictionary definition of coerce, "To force to act or think in a certain way by use of pressure, threats, or intimidation; compel. To dominate, restrain, or control forcibly. To bring about by force or threat;" *is* morally wrong to do to most people in most circumstances. Obvious exceptions would be self-defense, protection of family or possessions, etc.

However, the TCS definition of coercion is too broad for me, and the theory that it always causes learning damage seems unfounded. According to TCS, coercion is "the psychological state of enacting one idea or impulse while a conflicting impulse is still active in one's mind." This could be something as simple as wanting to go to the zoo right this second and not being able to until tomorrow morning, or as harmful as being forced to sit in a dark closet and eat stale bread. I cannot see how the former example could cause actual learning damage. It just doesn't work for me. I can agree that if someone wants to go to the zoo really bad, then the parent should try their best to make that happen soon. I cannot agree that the waiting will damage the child in any way.

For the most part, I think TCS includes very helpful and useful theories. I enjoy reading the list and applying things that I learn to my own life. I don't believe someone will go wrong by trying to help their children as much as possible. I can't find a practical way for all 3 of my kids, myself and my husband to have everything we want at every moment, but we try ;)

A couple days ago I saw a message for a Yahoo list called TCShangover, for people who have tried tcs with bad "results", or didn't agree with the theory, or whatever. No one has said anything yet, except for one post by the owner, but I look forward to hearing any real criticisms of the theory by people who have fully tried it. I can't imagine that someone who truly gave it a chance for a long enough period of time would turn away from it though. Maybe change the theory a bit in their own mind like I have, but not turn away from the ideas entirely. I could be wrong though...

Barriers, coercion/threats, joylessness, expected to justify

Actually, I HAVE found it to be very harmful to me to want to do something and have to wait. It is a constant issue- needing to do one thing, and over and over and over, because of barriers, not being able to experience or complete them. Especially when I need to. I DO feel it causes a problem in me, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I think too that creating more and more barriers to doing ANYTHING in "society" is creating less and less joy. The constant threat and coercion in daily society affects me greatly- knowing that at any moment, a stranger who "feels uncomfortable" with something I do, or don't do, might call the coercers (police) who will then, if nothing worse, leave me with the feeling of being threatened for being myself, or having to "justify" everything I do in advance. It is an assault on people's self-worth and inherent innocence and goodness to be treated as if you "deserve" to be questioned or threatened unless you can justify otherwise.

I have noticed too, that things I experienced when oppressed under the age of 18, are starting to be displayed loudly by the general public and police. For example, when I was younger, my tone and words were controlled by "no talking back" under threat of assault. This is now occurring with police- where "talking back" has led for some individuals to being arrested, and/or tasered, and with people in general, who will call them in at the same occurence.

This site needs to deal with the reality that the same horrible effects of coercion on someone under 18 remain for those of us now over 18.

  • By OliviaP at 2010/05/12 - 12:22am
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